Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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