can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize