He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
