the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
