I'm so fucking centered right now
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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