My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
