he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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