He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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