come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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