I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
