how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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