There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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