Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
