oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
