Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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