i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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