my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
