I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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