If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
