in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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