Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
