a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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