you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
