there's paper in my vomit.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Randomize
