"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
