Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
