I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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