Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
