after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
