two words: eviction party
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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