Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
