I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
