You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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