Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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