My brain says no but my pants say off.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
