dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
