i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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