I puked a lego.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
FUCK WHALES
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
