How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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