You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
