Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
