Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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