TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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