Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
