The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
