Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
