Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize