He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize