ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
why does every cop we meet know your name?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
