Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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