my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
