I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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