please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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