Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
