Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
