I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
