I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
