Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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