I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
