the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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